Comparison. It’s a deadly trap that left me, as a new coach, discouraged, defeated and paralyzed.
I remember waking up each morning, fueled by excitement at the thought of building my coaching business. But as I surfed the Internet for help, I’d stumble across coaches who were older, wiser, smarter, and richer.
How could I ever compete with them? Of course, they would get all the clients. Why was I even wasting my time?
And it was all based on the belief that only the best of the best discover success.
But is that true?
If only the best survive and thrive, there would only be one soloist, one pastor, one chef, one tennis instructor and one master teacher in the world. But there are concert halls, churches, restaurants, tennis camps and schools everywhere.
You matter!
You Are Unique
Think about your upbringing, gifts, talents, strengths and training. God has woven thousands of tiny threads together into a one-of-a-kind creation — you. Then He placed you at this point in history with your family and friends in the city you call home.
He did that for a reason. You are where you need to be with the people who need you most.
You are the best you there is. Completely irreplaceable.
You are Present
While I enjoy listening to famous preachers on the radio, I don’t want to wait in line to talk to someone I’ve never met when I have a problem or family concern. Instead, I call the pastor of my local church. He knows me. He cares.
Likewise, when the people around you look for help, they’ll want someone who is available, approachable and concerned about them. They’ll want to work with someone they know, like, and trust. They’ll want to work with you.
You are Called
God is calling you to be a faithful steward of what you have been given. You don’t have to be the best, you have to be your best.
Dare to be who you are, and watch the amazing things that God will do.
4 Ways to Beat the Comparison Trap
So, what can you do next time you find yourself engaged in a battle of deadly comparison doomed to stop you in your tracks?
- Notice it.
Comparing yourself with others stirs up a cauldron of toxic emotions such as envy, jealousy, discouragement, and defeat. As soon as these feelings start bubbling up, notice them and remind yourself that comparison is a liar and a thief.
- Replace it.
Instead of ruminating on your weaknesses, reflect on the spiritual gifts, unique personality traits, and skills that God has given you.
Remember that He loves you, really loves you, just as you are, and you were born for such a time as this.
- Refocus.
I love the account in I Samuel 16 when Samuel looks at tall, handsome Eliab, completely convinced that he’s the next King of Israel. Then God speaks, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
The world is full of tall, handsome, talented, well-connected coaches. But the only thing that matters is that God is calling you.
- Give thanks.
List all the ways that God has blessed and provided for you. As gratitude grows, it will calm your fearful heart and remind you that God will give you abundantly more than you could ever think or ask as you faithfully walk this business-building path.
Next time you’re surfing the net, don’t let comparison pull you under. God has called you to be a coach, and there is no one in the world just like you.
It’s Your Turn
Have you ever compared yourself with other coaches? How did it affect you?
Thank you Kim. Your 4 points of notice it, replace it, refocus and give thanks fit so well in so many areas of life.
Good point, Mary Lou! Thanks for pointing that out.
I am not a Christian coach but I am an educator and a Christian. I’m in the early stages of business building and I can tend make comparison. Kim, your article is a helpful reminder for me to be thankful for my uniqueness. And I’ll do just that!
Hi Leah, My guess is that this comparison thing haunts us across multiple disciplines. Thanks so much for joining us and commenting. We are all in this together.
Hi Leah, My guess is that this comparison thing haunts us across multiple disciplines. Thanks so much for joining us and commenting. We are all in this together.
Good point, Mary Lou! Thanks for pointing that out.
Oh! I think I left a comment from Mary lou’s blog on your blog Kim. Sorry about that!!
On this topic: the “comparison trap,” I hate it! I know that’s harsh and I don’t even like the word “hate,” but in this case, I really do feel that way. Women especially are so hard on themselves with this.
I love your 4 step process to STOP IT. One of the things I’d like to offer with the “replace it” is to use your electronic tools to help with this. Take scripture that God has brought to you and put it on a reminder that will pop up several times a day. Don’t let the business of the day steal away the TRUTH that will free you.
And, gratitude is absolutely a surefire way to put down the lies of comparing ourselves to others.
Love this Kim!
Hi Debbie – Thanks for the added tip on using electronic reminders. Great advice!
“Notice It” is huge! It’s easier to just “Deny It”! But then you don’t do the rest of the steps, and you don’t benefit! Thanks for that!
So true, R.J. Denials just seems to come more naturally, doesn’t it?
I love it when God confirms what He says privately with words from someone else. That’s what happened when I read this: “You are where you need to be with the people who need you most.” Thank you for your powerful message. It was just what I needed to hear today.
Awww… thank you, Susan. I’m so glad it helped.
Hi Debbie – Thanks for the added tip on using electronic reminders. Great advice!
So true, R.J. Denials just seems to come more naturally, doesn’t it?
Awww… thank you, Susan. I’m so glad it helped.