Kim Avery Coaching

Exercise Your “No” Muscle

by | 40 comments

“One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.” Sidney Coe Howard

Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you really wanted to say ‘no’? Does pressure from others make you uncomfortable? Do you find yourself living out others’ priorities and not your own? You are not alone.

Most of us struggle with saying ‘no’ at some point in our lives. But to say ‘yes’ to God’s calling on your life as a coach, you will have to prune other things out of your life.

The first step in saying ‘yes’ to God’s wonderful plans for your life is to identify your true priorities.  Not just the big picture, God wants me to build a business, but all the steps and sacrifices required to get that business built.

Secondly, you must learn how to say ‘no’ firmly and politely, shed the guilt and live out your calling as a coach with joy and intention.

To live a life pleasing to God and fulfill the calling He has on your life your ‘yeses’ and ‘nos’ can only be determined by Him.

God has a beautiful life planned for you. Begin exercising your ‘no’ muscle today. Good things will come of it.

Don’t forget to check out the Top Ten Ways to Say ‘No’ Firmly and Politely. 


  1. Kim Avery

    Happy Thursday. If you are just starting the 15 Day Challenge, welcome, I am so glad that you are here. When you get a chance to read through the comments from the first 3 days of the Challenge you will see that you are joining a stellar group of committed Christian coaches.

    To those of you who joined earlier in the week, congratulations! You are 4 days closer to reaching your goal of a full and thriving coaching practice.

    The daily activities you are reporting are truly inspiring. Keep up the great work.

    If there is any specific way that I can pray for you during this time, please let me know. I probably won’t be able to respond to each email but I will read and pray for every single request.

  2. Cheryl Cope

    Just this morning I was writing in my journal that I needed to remake my Not-To-Do list! I don’t have as much trouble saying No to other people, but to myself!

  3. Laurie Fontana

    Yes to Marketing!!!

    Set another face to face with a contact to talk about possible speaking engagement.

    Happy THURSDAY!

  4. Frank Mason

    This morning I attended the first lecture of my last module, pastoral care and counselling, which gave me the opportunity to talk to my classmates about coaching. Today, I’ll be writing the fourth in my series of notes entitled “Coaching – what’s it all about.” Would greatly appreciate comments from anyone here who could spare a few minutes to have a look at my facebook page

  5. Lucinda

    After April 20th I will have freed up a chunk of my time to allow me to say more ‘yeses’ to building my coaching and writing business. Yesterday I set up a time to meet with a person who excels at e-books and articles and website stuff. Yeah for YES.

  6. Oge

    Posted an encouraging quote on my facebook page. Determined to keep going in spite of sometimes wondering if the returns are worth the time and energy invested! I am so aware that the Bible is clear on the importance of patience and perseverance (imitating those who through faith and patience inherit the promise – Hebrews6:12).

  7. Kathy Cordell

    One of the hardest things to say ‘no’ to during the transition to full-time coaching is the J-O-B that pays the bills, insurance and provides a nice 401K. Trusting God with our finances is a tough one but watching the miracle of how He provides is amazing! I quit my job in medicine 5 yrs ago but went back part time last summer to help get our kids through college. I feel God asking me again to say ‘no’ to even this part time work. Time to take the plunge again. Freedom is of far more worth than security!!

  8. kerry reddick

    Oops I was off a day as well, so today Kim, I love that you focused on how more to work on saying no and for me it is the shedding of the guilt!! That is my big obstacle with my business and family!! Today I am doing a webinar to enhance my work and putting some leadership notebooks together for a small Coach/Leader Training session I was hired to do.

  9. MaryAnn

    What an on-going, great accountability concept, Kim – “finding our ‘no'”. I have grown in this with regard to asks from people, but am personally working on those subtle “invitations” that my mind, and then my time, go to that distract me from focusing on or finding my priorities.

    Spoke with someone about audio converting options this morning; would love input on good software that’s not too techy, but can do some editing (cutting portions, background noise, adding music, etc.), and be able to convert to mp3 format, file size less than 15MB (so than it can easily attach and be opened through email.

    I have used Audacity w/ LAME plug-in in the past (w/ PC), but have struggled since switching to MAC to get all the right plug-ins and libraries.

    Will also spend some time reflecting on an idea for an article for my next eNews/blog post.

    • Kim Avery

      Hi Mary Ann,

      I too have struggled to find good audio editing software for my beloved Mac. I used Sony Vegas when I had a PC and loved it – but alas, no Mac version.

      I now use a combination of Garage Band and Camtasia. Not perfect – but it seems to get the job done.

      Let us know if you find something better.

      Keep up the great work.

  10. Laurie, LegWork Résumés and Career Services

    Today I worked on my Facebook business page, posted an article on LinkedIn/Twitter, and researched Google ads!

  11. Tammy Resler

    This really hit home! I

    It has been clear that God is teaching me about “letting my yes be yes and my no be no”…I just didn’t know the cost or what it really meant. This topic and reality has caused me some growing pains. During this journey, there were things that my heart would say or scream yes, yes, yes…but God gently reminded me of the importance of my saying no.

    At times, it is still a challenge, but I have experienced and see the value in having to say “no” even to things that are good!

  12. Holly Brand

    Hi Kim,
    Today I listened to your podcast regarding the 10 critical questions to successful marketing. So helpful! I tend to fall into the category of wanting to coach everybody for everything and I recognize that that is a marketing train wreck. Thank you for the very useful tips. I tried to leave a review for you on iTunes and after 40 frustrating minutes finally gave up. I called iTunes support and he couldn’t figure out why my review isn’t showing up either. So, I’ll simply leave it for you here! “I’m learning that Kim Avery is true to her tagline: “Bite-Sized Marketing…” She never overwhelms with too much information and she delivers the important material so concisely. It always has tremendous takeaway value. The 10 steps that I just listened to gave me terrific insight into the things I must consider before marketing my coaching business. As always, Thanks Kim!”

  13. Mark Thomas

    Thanks for the encouragement Kim. Good or best is not always easy to identify. Fortunatly for us the Holy Spirit is able to guide us in this. With that, working on updating my coaching documents today.

  14. Pam Taylor

    I’ve said no to much of what I would normally do today in order to spend extra time with God to hear what HE thinks I should say no to…in order to have peace about my yeses. // Also yesterday I found a glitch in the search options when people are looking for a particular topic on my blog. The webmaster was able to fix it and has already added a plug-in so people can search and find posts by using the tag words. YAY!

  15. Renee

    Today, I was reminded of what NOT to do (check email too early in the day). Still haven’t been computer-free today. This is so vivid right now because I had been delaying computer use for the past week+. Today’s experience has shown that it works.

  16. Tina Cochran

    Today I delegated some of the “fine tuning” of a project I have been working on in favor of getting refocused on where my coaching business is and following up with leads for new clients.

  17. Kim Hawkins

    Day 4: I said no to myself! I’ve been looking forward to my 1/2 days at the RV park so I can get back to focusing on my own business matters. I put the brakes on my impulse to help with the after hours phone. Sometimes I have a tendency to volunteer for things and then later regret that I didn’t use the time on matters that mean more to my own business.

  18. Mark Myers

    The ‘close’….I’ve been struggling with that lately. My branding and internet presence activities have paid off very well. I’m just not closing as many ‘sales’ as I believe are possible. In a networking meeting this morning with another local entrepreneur, I realized that my ‘close’ has been weakened by me giving away too much time (and information) in the initial conversations with potential clients. So, I’m working on an ‘informal script’ that I use in future conversations like that. (I don’t have it designed yet so I can’t test on you yet.) Having recognized that weaknesses, I’m certain I will improve my closes much more quickly.

  19. Karen

    I said no to myself (chocolate) no to my son (more stuff) and no to another bible study. Even good things may require a no, this much I “know” !

  20. Barbara Solsaa

    I am so grateful for this challenge because I am doing so many things that I had previously been dragging my feet over. Today I applied for my LLC and my EIN…as soon as I get confirmation of my LLC I will go ahead and open a bank account and get set up to take credit cards! It is all coming together! Thank you!

  21. Betty

    I signed up for an online Business teleclass on this past Monday. I participated in the class on this evening. Two major points that I learned included connecting with others Business individuals or groups, and doing the hard things first in the morning. I talked to a staff at a local Chamber of Commerce about class in learning social media for business.

  22. Deirdre Burton

    Today I learned more about social media.

  23. Teri Bailey

    I have so many varied interests. I have really been telling myself just because I can do it, doesn’t mean I should. I have recently told two people that I just can’t anything more to my plate. I want to narrow my focus and can’t do that with so many things in the way!

  24. Kristin Franks

    Today I will say “No” to cruising through facebook before bed, and “yes” to praying about my coaching business instead!

  25. Pamela Jackson

    Today I’m praying about a speaking opportunity, exercising the discipline of bringing it before the Lord before I say “yes,” which so often would be my immediate response before checking with His plans!

  26. Pamela Schoettler

    *Today I made a business decision I have been deliberating with for a long time.
    To make a change so that I can be confident and comfortable knowing I can market and be genuinely received. Take the step and sacrifice can mean go through the process, time, and inconvenience to make a move.
    * Originators of group I am associated with will be in my area. I will take advantage of this to arrange to meet with them personally and explore options for coordinating with their vast web contacts to enhance my marketing.
    Prayer and Bible study have confirmed that God is directing me in responding to the ’15 Day Challenge’ is these ways. NO MORE being a chicken; Trust God and step out.

  27. Karen Pyne

    Day 4: Learning to say No without guilt has been something I have worked on diligently the past few years. And just when it seems like I get a handle on it, God presents another curve to navigate. I thought I was entering a season of respite from caretaking for parents after a 3 month health crisis, but my curve in the road came last Friday when it became very clear that my Dad would no longer be able to drive. Balancing my life and theirs will be an interesting dance….I am definitely looking forward to tomorrow’s blog focus. I continued working on my website content.

  28. Shelli

    Day 4: A quieter day yet no less productive. I smile because it’s a direct benefit of being able to say ‘no’ to good – – or even great things, so that I can say ‘yes’ to the right things. Today during some reflective time, a couple of great ideas surfaced in addressing unresolved challenges my client group experiences. To quantify these hunches and make sure I’m on the right track, I drafted some key questions for a brief survey which they can participate. I don’t think we can ever know enough about our ideal clients, what works for them and what doesn’t. I love it because it’s a discovery that’s always unfolding.

  29. Kristianne Wargo

    Today God gave us much needed moisture, yet a little sunshine still peered through the clouds. That was exactly how my business goals went today. I was able to listen to a webinar and a podcast that allowed me to dig deeper into what I needed to uncover the last “fear” of “am I going in the right direction”. Doubt can creep in and begin to sabotage your efforts. One must remember to stay close to our Heavenly Father and continue to grow our relationship in order to keep HIS focus a part of the goals. Your conscious and subconscious needs to be in unison. I also was able to find another website designer. Working on getting a quote from him. Having a strategic plan is KEY, and relying on God is GOLDEN! Thank you Lord for guiding my thoughts and actions today as my business moves forward in YOUR direction.

  30. Cate

    Today I wrote out a new elevator speech, and a little testimony.

  31. Heather Campos

    Thanks for the challenge to be prayerful about my yes and my no, and then to be respectful, yet firm about my answers the to requests upon my time. That has been a downfall for me. I spent time on both client care and development today, and I’m happy about the balance.

  32. Chris Kirby

    My priority today was to take my 7 year old on a “Dad Day.” We’d planned it for some time and, despite the fact that I’m facing enormous professional pressures, he comes first. The day I neglect my family is the day will be one I regret. All else can wait. Deuteronomy 6 talks about training up our children and that’s what I intend to do.

    I try to live what I teach. I tell my clients to always put life before work not the other way around. Today was a day when I had to do what I say. I’m glad I did . . . . and I’m tired!

  33. Sheila Kale

    Today I presented a coaching style devotion for a women’s group of about 20. The interactive questions and responding to their answers was very powerful.

  34. Leigh Ann Hudson, Shine Forth Life Coaching

    I drew a boundary line with a friend and said no to things I had done for her in the past. I’m still helping with the two she cannot do by herself, are not very time consuming, and I know are of great benefit to her.

  35. Rosalie Garde

    I’m saying no to the pressure of trying to gain clients. Ha ha. What a contradiction, right? I hit a wall a few years ago that sent me spiraling and right now am taking tiny steps and leaving it to God if he so chooses. I contacted a former client and interacted with women on a Google Group I’m on.

  36. Lisa

    This has been a battle within me for years; in fact even this week my hubby and I applauded the fact that I said No to three different good opportunities but they weren’t a perfect fit for me both in vision and time consumed. I said yes today as I continued to map out my plans for two book groups to start in May and June as my business building activity for the day. Thanks again for this wonderful focus challenge!

  37. Mary Yerkes

    Great reminder, Kim!! Tonight I promoted my coaching business at my speaking engagement–a definite first for me!!!! Had several people interested in scheduling introductory calls to learn more about coaching and how it might help them.

  38. Pamela

    I got my business cards to the printer today. Finally!
    Thanks for the great reminder today. I will focus on when to say no to things, even if they are good, so that I can say yes to those that are priorities for me.

  39. MIchael Pfau

    Set an appointment for Friday morning with a wellness coach who targets 50+ communities to discuss potential collaboration ideas for my Inspired Retirement Plan.


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